say it isn't so

i am doing my best and i know my best isn't good enough for me. i would had hoped i would be more ... i am disappointing myself. where is my herculean effort, my triumph, my something to say to the world i don't believe in what you believe me to be but this, this is who i am. the shit is piled deep and i have sunk further than i believed i could. circumstances and responding to said circumstances, my expectations are high and my output is low. i have to do better. but better may be giving in.